Speaking up

So, last night I had the night of a lifetime (thank you Genevieve!) at a Carrie Underwood concert.  It was absolutely amazing, I was awestruck, and I'm pretty sure my jaw was on the ground when she finished Amazing Grace at the end of Something in the Water.  Her song, So Small was instrumental during my healing process, so it's always a treat when I get to see her in person.  And my problem wasn't with her at all, but with one of her opening acts.  

While talking about musicians that had influenced him, he brought up Michael Jackson.  "I always wanted to dance like Michael Jackson.  That didn't work out so well for me.  But there is something I do better than Michael Jackson.  I'm a much better babysitter."  You could tell by listening to the crowd, the joke didn't go over that well.  But why tell it at all? 

It can be hard, when people make jokes, to be able to speak up in a respectful way.  Hell, it is hard to speak up at all.  The most I can usually choke out is a "I don't like that, please don't say that," before running off.  But people don't realize how prevalent this issue is, and they don't think that the people around them have ever dealt with it, so they make jokes.  

Me being me, I decided to speak up.  So much to Genevieve's surprise, I found this opener on Facebook, and I sent him a message.  So far it has been read but not responded to, but I thought I would post it as an example here so you might have an example of what to say when people joke.  And I'd love to hear what people think.  

"I'm almost positive that this won't get a response, but I'll hate myself if I don't put it out there at least.  I was at the Carrie Underwood show that you opened for today.  And I was enjoying your set, getting geared up, but was extremely put off by the Michael Jackson joke.  I'm a survivor of sexual abuse, and it really rubbed me the wrong way.  

I know it can seem easy to think of us as faceless people, or to think that there are only a few of us in the crowd.  But the reality is harsh.  One in four women and one in six men will be sexually abused or assaulted before they turn eighteen.  So chances are, I wasn't the only one in that audience that the joke hit in a bad way.  

And I'm sorry if this seems pushy at all.  I intern at a rape crisis center, and have pretty much focused my education into helping other survivors like me.  I feel that it's better to speak out against it, and to normalize the discussion.  The problem with joking about it though, is that every person in the audience who may have those bad thoughts in their head, can now see you as an ally.  

And I'm sorry if I brought down your night.  Please, enjoy the rest of your tour, and have safe travels. 

-Jenna"

Sometimes people are assholes...

My response to this post shared on Facebook.

Okay, anyone else notice the bible verse on the bottom of the shirt? Galatians 6:8- "The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the spirit will reap eternal life." (NIV)

It seems to me that what this person is saying, is that if you have sex outside of a marriage, you actually deserve the destruction that comes with a rape. That you deserve to be hurt for making a decision to be an actual human being. That's harsh.

But what if you read the whole paragraph? Galatians 6:7-10- "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the spirit will reap eternal life.Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (NIV)

The heading for the 6th chapter (is that what they are called??") is Doing Good to All. Yes, that says all. To me, what this is telling me, is that if I spend my money and time on things that are frivolous (binging Netflix, buying snacks, needing the latest technology, etc.) then my life will not be fulfilling. It tells me that I should instead donate my time and energy into helping the needy, because if we all helped the needy we would all have fulfilling lives. This is yet another verse that tells me I should love an help all people, regardless of what they believe, who they love, what they look like, or any other factors. This verse does not say to me that I deserve to be raped for wearing revealing clothing, or deciding what I do in my relationships.

After the fallout from dealing with my abuse, I fought long and hard to find my faith again. It took a lot of praying, and a lot of thinking, and plenty of faking until I was able to love God again. Sometimes, I worry it's not quite the same as it once was, so I begin to fight again. And this kind of thing kills me. That people take verses out of context, twist them, and make me worry that God says that I deserved to be sexually assaulted. I'm sorry, random asshole in a shirt. What did I do? What did 14-year-old me do to deserve the treatment I received?

After I made a comment online about how I felt like the bible told me to love everyone, someone told me that I was wrong, and I needed to "go back to bible study." I don't know, maybe I'm not the only person who needs to do that.