Monday, November 6, 2017

Celebrating Tragedy: How I am Celebrating my Sexual Abuse



I remember driving in the car with my Mom, just a few days after my life turned upside down.  I stared out the window at nothing, and finally voiced one of my thoughts out loud.  “I’m just another statistic.”

“Don’t say that.”  My Mom’s voice pulled my gaze from the window.  “Don’t start thinking like that.  If you think like that, you’re letting him win.”  It was hard to think of a life where he didn’t win.  He had already pulled us from our homes, severed us from our family, and effectively ended my childhood.  “You are so much more than a number.”  Her words brought comfort to me, like a mother’s words should, and I decided then to strive to be more, to make some good out of this.
(Me and my amazing Mother)

Now, I embrace those statistics I once feared.  One in four women and one in six men will be sexually abused or assaulted before they turn eighteen.  I am one of the one in four.  It’s hard to say exactly when the change happened, but at some point, I decided that being a statistic was better than ignoring the problem.  Ignoring the problem will not make it go away.

This year is a big anniversary for me.  Because this year, on November 13th, marks ten years.  Ten years since I made that decision to tell my Mom that her husband was molesting me.  Ten years since I decided that situation was not ideal.  Ten years since I escaped the hell I had been living in for so long.  So I need to do something big.  I found something, and it is so poetic, it’s like it was set up for me to succeed.

The plan: run a half marathon.  What better way to show that I can persevere than by running for 13 miles?  Sure, I’m not the best runner, but anyone can do it, I have done some training, and I’m not walking in blind.  I have faith in my ability to finish this.  On top of it all, I can run for a charity.  The Joyful Heart Foundation is always something I planned to run for at some point, why not for my anniversary?

The race:  The race I chose was a RunDisney event.  Why Disney?  Well, for me, Disney was a huge part of my healing process.  We went the summer after I told my Mom for the first time.  She took us so we could see there was still joy in the world.  Boy did it work.  The cast members had no clue why we were there, they just treated us with respect and made our visit as magical as they could (Shout out to Recneps Gamazing!).  I left with the hope of making that magic some day.

Spoiler alert! I did!  I completed not one, but two Disney College Programs.  One I spent making magic at Animal Kingdom, at Restorantosaurs, the other hanging with Buzz Lightyear in Tomorrowland.  My two favorite memories were singing Christmas Carols with guests in the Resto dining room, and announcing the Galactic Heroes who maxed out their scores on Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin.  Each time I made numerous friends, and created bonds that i will never forget.  As much as Disney was there for me during that time, I hope that I, as a Disney Cast Member, was able to make magic for a family like mine.

To top it all off, the RunDisney event is superhero themed.  I can be a real-life superhero.  I can run a race that means so much to me, donate money to an organization dedicated to improving the lives of survivors, and heal some more in the process.  It seems like a win-win-win situation for me!

I do need some help.  I need help fundraising to meet my goal.  The race is in 6 days.  Yikes!  I have a shirt, it is pictured at the bottom.  I plan to run with names of survivors on my shirt.  For a $10 donation, I will write the first name of any survivor you know somewhere on my shirt.  I truly believe that all survivors are superheroes in their own right, and I want to carry them with me for 13.1 miles. I need you to share this campaign.  Share it everywhere you can, the more exposure the better.  And I need you to pray for me as I tackle this next chapter of my healing, and celebrate my victory as I compete.  Thank you!
https://secure.joyfulheartfoundation.org/page/outreach/view/jrac/JennasDisneyHalf (Donation address)