I want to change the world

It seems daunting.  And I don't think I realized exactly how daunting until two days ago.  I stood in front of my entire congregation and told them my story, and it was truly scary, but so much more rewarding than I could have imagined. 

So, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Jenna, and I am a survivor of sexual abuse.  My step-father was my abuser, and he worked really hard to manipulate me.  He framed it as a punishment, and also made me promise to let him do what he wanted so that either way, I would feel like my abuse was all my fault.  

My Mom was incredibly supportive.  She, my brother, and I packed our essentials and moved across state lines, escaping the situation.  Now, I was conflicted.  Part of me felt like I was just another statistic.  I didn't know the statistics then like I know them now, but I felt like I was just another random person facing a tragedy.  I also felt completely alone due to the silence that surrounds crimes like these.  I talked with a few of my closer friends about it, but let's be honest, I was moving to a different state, and I didn't know anyone, and it's not usually something you tell to people you just met.  

A week after I told my Mom, my step-father took his own life, meaning that my family and I did not get the justice that we so badly wanted.  On top of that, he had a daughter, a girl that I shared a room with for five years of my life, that I was terrified I would never see again. (spoiler alert, I saw her again today, she's doing pretty great!)  So now, on top of all those conflicting feelings, I felt like my family was falling apart, and I just wanted to take it all back.  

I'm so glad I didn't.  Not like anyone would have believed me if I suddenly said, "Nevermind, nothing happened, I made it up."  But I have come to understand that as difficult as all of that was, I am so much better off now.  I know that should go without saying, but before I came forward, I didn't know what to expect.  

So, changing the world.  I want to see if more people will come forward with stories.  I want to have a ton of stories for fellow survivors to read, so that they don't feel as alone as I once did.  I also hope that some fourteen year old girl will stumble across this blog and find that if all of us can come forward, then so can she, and she will get herself out of that very dangerous situation by using whatever means necessary.  I truly believe that by survivors speaking up, we can save lives.  So, if you are with me, I'd love for you to join me on this journey.